Kutlay Erk’s `missing` father Mustafa Arif, found in the Ottoman wells in Strovolos, buried last Saturday at Famagusta… The first `alternative` funeral, away from `nationalism` and `militarism`…

It was 12 o’clock at noon when we go to the Lala Mustafa Pasha mosque in Famagusta… It’s too hot. At the yard of the mosque, on the `musalla stone` (stone on which the coffin is placed for the funeral) is a small coffin. The remains of Mustafa Arif, the `missing` father of Kutlay Erk, was found in one of the Ottoman wells in Strovolos (Parisinos), is in the coffin. He will be buried next to his wife Radiye, who waited for him until she died in 1999. No matter how crazy it might sound to you, until she died, she had cherished the return of her husband in her heart. Now, he has come back, in a small coffin, after 45 years and will be buried next to her… In the quiet cemetery, they will lie together forever…

Kutlay Erk was only 11 years old, when his father went `missing`. Mustafa Arif was a guardian at the central prison and he had had a heart attack on the 21st of December 1963. He was brought to the Nicosia General Hospital and was being treated there. According to information some of his Greek Cypriot workmates had come and taken him from his hospital bed on the 23rd of December, 1963 and that’s when he went `missing`… Mustafa Arif who was found in a well in Strovoulos (Parisinos) is now in the coffin on the `musalla stone`, waiting to be buried.

I meet the two big brothers of Kutlay Erk, Asim and Huseyin, as well as her big sister Semral there… Asim was 17, Huseyin was 14 and Semral was 18 at the time when their father went `missing`.

As there was an exchange of prisoners in 1963-64, Mrs. Radiye would cook things Mustafa Arif liked and she would clean the house and wait for his return. The 11 year old Kutlay would go to the Kyrenia Gate in Nicosia and watch all those Turkish Cypriot prisoners being exchanged, meeting their families… He would climb the walls and watch from there and when his father would not come out, the elders would tell him, `Don’t worry, there are still prisoners… He will come out another day…`

But as an 11 year old child, the youngest child of the family, he would carry the huge burden of going home and telling his mother and sister that `No, he didn’t come…` and would have to handle all their pain, after they would hear these news.

Once he would go with his bicycle to the Kyrenia Gate, thinking that now his father would come out and he would show his father how he could ride a bike. He would wait with excitement but no, his father again, would not come out of the buses or trucks, carrying the prisoners of war…

And at last, they would tell him, `No more… The exchange has finished…`

Can you imagine what went through his heart, this 11 year old kid and how he had to grow up in one night? How he had to become a `mature person` rather than a child without a worry in the world? How conditions forced him to grow up overnight?

I have known him for years now and he has never used his pain for `nationalism` or `enmity`. He did not build his life over the `anger` that might arise from his father being `missing`. He has never `exploited` the fact that his father was `missing`. On the contrary, he would work for reuniting our island, for peace so other fathers of other children would not go `missing`.

Today in the yard of the mosque people from all sectors of society are here: people from CTP, YKP, UBP… Talat, Soyer, MPS, businessmen… Some Greek Cypriots are also here: Lellos Demetriades, Takis Hadjidemitriou, Jus Payada, Akis Lordos, people from EDY, the representative of Dimitris Christofias, as well as the members of the Cyprus Missing Persons Committee. The psychologists and even an archaeologist working at the exhumations are here. Spiros Hadjigrigoriou, who is always trying to do something for peace and who adores Kutlay is also here, under the burning sun, in his blue suit… He has come to share the pain…

But most important, other children of `missing` persons are also here. Shemi Bora, whose father Shapah Shemi is `missing` is next to Kutlay. Meral Eroglu, whose brother Hasan Yilmaz went `missing` together with Ahmet Skordo, is also here with her husband Dervish Eroglu. Mehmet Ali Gocer, whose brother Naim from Aretiou, being taken from his house by the Cypriot police and is still `missing` is also here. Ertan Demirag, whose father and grandfather is `missing` from Nicosia-Limassol road, Dr. Arif Albayrak whose grandmother and grandfather is `missing` are also here. They have all come to share the pain – and they too are eager to get back what remains from their loved ones, in order to bury them properly.

This is the first funeral I have attended on either side that is far away from `nationalism` or `militarism`. There are no soldiers carrying the coffin, no nationalist speeches, no symbols of `nationalism`. This is because of the peaceful personality of Kutlay Erk. He speaks in Turkish and in English and gives the message of peace… He says:

`Standing in front of this coffin today we remember the events that have happened over the past 50 years in Cyprus. And we remember once again how important it is and how desperately we need to achieve a sustainable peace on the island.

And as the family of Mustafa Arif we vow to continue our efforts towards achieving peace.

It has to be remembered that finding and returning all the missing Turkish Cypriots and Greek Cypriots to their families is a very important right that should never be politicized.

We consider ourselves fortunate because our missing father has been found and we hope that those families who have not yet been so fortunate will also find their loved ones soon.

The families of missing Turkish Cypriots and Greek Cypriots and also those from other conflicts throughout the world share the same fate and the same pain: irrespective of their language or colour or religion their grief is the same, their tears are the same.

We express solidarity and share the pain suffered by all the missing of the world and their families.

We pray for an end to all conflicts and wars on our island and throughout the world, so that there are no more incidents of missing persons, where a family can leave their loved one alive and well one day to be reunited with them 45 years later in the form of bare bones in a tiny coffin…

Finally, on behalf of myself and my family I want to say to our father:

‘Father, welcome back among us and may you rest in peace next to your beloved wife who waited for your return until her death’`

2.6.2008

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