Sunday, February 27, 2005
some thoughts to chew on...
"What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him? Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him, “Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead." -james 2:14-17
"So you've been doing God's work, but what's God working on now? What's God working on this year? Two and a half million Africans are going to die of AIDS. What's God working on now? I meet the people who tell me it's going to take an act of God to stop this plague. Well, I don't believe that. I think God is waiting for us to act. In fact, I think that God is on His knees to us...waiting for us to turn around this supertanker of indifference.... waiting for us to recognize that distance can no longer decide who is our neighbor. We can't choose our neighbors anymore. We can't choose the benefits of globalization without some of the responsibilities, and we should remind ourselves that "love thy neighbor" is not advice: it is a command." - bono
"But the real obscenity isn't in printing pictures of dead babies - it's in our passivity, which allows these people to be slaughtered." - nicholas kristof, nytimes op-ed
"More than just a moral issue; hope is a spiritual and even religious choice. Hope is not a feeling; it is a decision. And the decision for hope is based upon what you believe at the deepest levels - what your most basic convictions are about the world and what the future holds - all based upon your faith. You choose hope, not as a naïve wish, but as a choice, with your eyes wide open to the reality of the world - just like the cynics who have not made the decision for hope.
And the realities of our world are these: almost half the world, close to three billion people, live on less than 2 dollars a day; and more than one billion live on less than 1 dollar a day. And every day, 30,000 children die needlessly due to utterly preventable causes like hunger, disease, and things like the lack of safe drinking water - things we could change if we ever decided to.
For the first time in history we have the information, knowledge, technology, and resources to bring the worst of global poverty virtually to an end. What we don't have is the moral and political will to do so." - jim wallis, 2004 stanford graduation speech
"We are the ones we have been waiting for." - lisa sullivan, inner-city activist
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it's the weekend and i'm up late working tonight again...pending work deadlines. but piercing through the thoughts i have about work are some thoughts that i'm trying to piece together and make sense of after reading nicholas kristof's recent op-ed piece in the nytimes about the genocide in darfur and listening to jon stewart's interview of jim wallis on the daily show recently.
i think the reason these two pieces hit me hard is because they speak to a struggle which has been a continuing undercurrent, a low dull roar in the background of my thoughts about my vocation, calling, career (whatever you want to call it). and that struggle is: what can i do to really make a difference in the face of the harsh realities of this world today? what do i do with this streak of idealism that just won't go away...which causes me to sometimes stare blankly up from my excel spreadsheets and wonder when the day will be that i can give my life for the cause of the good news, in the comprehensive sense (not just EV but "shalom" in the bible). and yet time passes, and what have i done?
granted, there's a lot of stuff packed into those thoughts...like whether i struggle with a sacred/secular paradigm split, whether i can truly offer anything except money, and what is ultimately obedient ("I desire obedience, not sacrifice," the Teacher says). but then again, what would i really do and pursue, if there was no fear? these thoughts bounce back and forth from two seemingly extreme perspectives, the net result which averages out to...dead center, inaction, not much at all.
but there are nights like this, (yes! even living in china) when i am toiling on some seemingly tedious task (in this case, writing my company's annual report), in which there is something that just calls out for something so much more. like deep calling to deep...and i know that there's got to be so much more to life than this. there is a part of me that wants my whole life to be spent for the sake of the least.
what to do, friends? sometimes i get the sense that we comfortable ones are the ones to be pitied. we are missing out on perhaps the main thing altogether...
Thursday, February 24, 2005
some random shoop-de-doop...
1. do any of you guys use skype? it's great! a lot of my chinese friends call it "sky-pee"
2. i wonder if a love of firecrackers for holidays is written into the chinese pysche...lovin' it. :)
2. the internet here is so slow that i might turn 30 before i can get all my US trip pics uploaded...grrrr
3. i really miss my bro daniel... :(
4. a sampling of the random stuff i hauled back from the US on this trip: girl scout cookies, titleist golf balls, babette's feast on dvd, heavyweight paper plates, ziplock baggies with the zipper thingy, steel cut oatmeal, reese's pb cups.
5. soylent green is people.
6. there's a great article in the nytimes about the missed connections section of craigslist. something really endearing about it... :)
7. the shuffle function on my ipod is very partial to the band burlap to cashmere, even though i only own one album
8. it's decided, i'll spend the may holiday this year hanging out in beijing with the fam
9. i spent 20 mins playing on this site instead of doing my work last night :P
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
along the grand canal. the beijing-hangzhou grand canal runs past my office window here in wuxi, where i'm here for work this season of my life it seems. at 1,794km it's the longest man-made canal in the world, crossing 6 provinces and intersecting 5 major rivers in china, and it was completed in 1291 (NOT a typo). when i'm here i'm constantly reminded of its presence from the sunlight dancing off the river and the sputtering from the motor barges that move down in in endless succession, sometimes drowning out my phone conversations.
it's as if the river wants to remind me as i go about my workday of meetings and emails that i cannot make light of the depth of history in my surroundings. and i find it so paradoxical (just as much of life can be here) that there is this living ancient river just outside my window carrying a whole another world somewhere while i am googling something at my desk just a few hundred feet away. often i will pause at the window and watch the boat people...often a lone ruddy man at the helm of his barge, surveying the expanse of the river. and it seems so impossible and yet true that two different realities could coexist together...
ah, but then again, this is china.
Sunday, February 20, 2005
by Dad's grace, i was able to be in nyc on the first public unveiling day for The Gates in central park. those of you who live in NY are probably sick of hearing about it already, but for everyone else...it's lauded as one of the largest pieces of modern populist art, weaving 7,500 gates saffron gates through central park, and only showing for 16 days. the story of the whole project is fascinating, and they created it purely for everyone's enjoyment (the gates hang just low enough to be touched). i spent last saturday afternoon in nyc, arm in arm with my karen, soaking it all in. there really is no place on earth like new york city... :)
on another note, tim and i finally found a really good burger joint in shanghai...this might turn out to be home afterall! *wink*
Thursday, February 17, 2005
the exchanged life. was reminded today of a wonderful letter by hudson taylor to his sister in 1869, which many now call the Exchanged Life. upon reading it again today, i felt as if the first half of the letter described my recent state pretty well, and recalled many conversations brought up by friends in times past about why our experience of the christian life is so far from what it should be (ie, where's the joy? where's the victorious living?) having lived in china in the era that he did, hudson taylor's testimony of how he found the answers to the above questions is soooo incredibly encouraging. Lord, please give me that perspective...!
i was just talking to a friend about it today and wondered, if we are not finding joy in God, how much of it us the environment versus our our personal responsibility? to put it another way, how much is it our fault? i tend to think that it's all our fault, since we get lazy about fighting for our faith and preaching the gospel to ourselves. but on the other hand, there are examples like the missionary david brainerd, who suffered severe chronic depression and was almost always despondent...what do you guys think?
after coming back from this recent trip, i feel a renewed conviction to really guard and enjoy my time with the Lord each day, which is for me a refuge in an often hectic and ruthless place, and the only way i can fight for my joy here. i so want to make a difference, to live with joy, and not only to just barely make it or be as one who barely escapes the flames.
Monday, February 14, 2005
layover in SF. i'm on my layover in SF now, back to shanghai. instead of blogging about v-day (since everyone seems to be), i wanted to share with you guys about something that God taught me on this trip about the US labor force...haha, pretty romantic, right? :)
seriously though...when i was in santa clara two weeks ago for my company's tradeshow, i had my first run-in with a labor union. up until then, i'd only read about unions in my econ textbooks and felt pretty neutral about them. however,
i had a horrible experience with them on this trip. basically, for the two day convention, my company was charged about US$1000 for about 20 minutes of labor from the designated union. we weren't allowed to move anything in by ourselves (i understand that part since it's union territory) but the union guys didn't tell us that we'd still be charged for whatever work we did ourselves, and the costs were calculated on this dubious formula that involved weight (MIN 200lbs!) and number of pieces. the worst part was that, the union guys barely did anything and didn't bother to tell us that since we were on their turf, that it didn't matter if we did the work, we'd still be charged...they just stood around watching us, knowing that they'd get paid for our work! i felt so lied to and hoodwinked, and negotiating our final bill with them was like trying to talk to a group of junior high schoolers...very frustrating. in the end, we got $150 taken off...but i walked away with some very very strong negative opinions about unions in america, and some thoughts about why america can no longer compete in the world economy...
but of course, God strangely balanced me out by having me happen to read a book right after this happened called Nickled & Dimed: On (Not) Getting By in America,by Barb Ehrenreich, a writer for Time and the New Yorker. i just happened to pick it up since my cousin was reading it. the author basically went undercover as a minimum wage worker in 3 cities posing as a walmart worker, a housecleaner, a hotel janitor, and a nursing home aide, and recorded all her experiences in a witty and insightful book. it was a really good and sobering read...a pretty devastating glimpse into the life of the minimum wage worker in america. i highly recommend it. i'll give away the ending...she couldn't make ends meet (surprise, surprise). it made me want to greet every worker at walmart with a smile and tip all service people very well from now on, that's for sure. and of course, it was a counterbalance to my strong feelings about the union the week before. so i guess given my previous post about loving the mall in the US, not all is hunkydory in america for everyone...a timely reminder.
ok, my flight is boarding. it's back to life in SH again...
Saturday, February 12, 2005
back in new york. :)
"cut off as i am, it is inevitable that i should sometimes feel like a shadow walking in a shadowy world. when this happens i ask to be taken to new york city. always i return home weary but i have the comforting certainty that mankind is real flesh and i myself am not a dream." - helen keller
Friday, February 11, 2005
hi from philly! back to the land of my homies and kiddies. can i just tell you that being with my college buddies is like nothing else in the world? they are still some of my closest friends. wendy and i went to pick up ale last night from daycare since felice had to work late...so fun!! she was wearing this adorable purple chinese outfit that i had gotten her last year in honor of CNY. :) and then we went to dinner with felice and wendy's parents at NORTH SEA (my favorite philly c-town restaurant) for another round of CNY celebrations. and then back at wendy & cil's, lee came over to hang...and it felt just like old times. after he left, wendy, cil & i had yet another late night pajama-fest (i could get used to this!) this morning, i had brunch with wendy at morning glory, spent the afternoon at wayne & al's, and tonight, i'm at the lai's, and karis can almost say my name...i got to feed her cake and ice cream tonight. :)
being here is like food for the soul. i was reminded of this song today:
Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name
Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name
Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name
Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
happy chinese new year from boston! i finally made it to the east coast, had an early CNY feast with my relatives in MD sat night (and got to see my brother!), a good sunday in MD with my aunt (got to go to covenant life for church!), and arrived yesterday in beantown and have been having a sweet time meeting up with good friends. had dinner with timbuktu last night, staying with myshaw and met up with dan and cathy this morning for brunch. tonight, may's mom is cooking up a huge CNY feast and we'll have a huge group of harvard int'l students over for an outreach event tonight. woot!
boston is still covered in snow and ice despite sunny blue skies and fair weather these past few days. i love the feeling of walking around the quaint little streets around harvard and boston commons, still largely blanketed in snow. and it has been so sweet just being with friends with whom you don't have to explain yourself, talking until late at night in our pj's, and praying together. i have the most amazing friends in the whole wide world... :)
Friday, February 04, 2005
stress and comfort. the past week of work has been really crazy. i've been getting back around 11pm every night to face a whole load of emails to answer and phonecalls to shanghai. needless to say it has been really exhausting but productive.
my grandma (nai nai) is also here and has been wondering why i haven't been coming home from school in the afternoons to spend time with her (we explained that i'm here on business, so now she understands). despite being exhausted, yesterday i had to extend my stay to take care of some things for work, and unfortunately that means i may miss seeing my brother on this trip. that has been really hard, adding to a lot of my doubts lately about my worklife balance. to top if off, i had a lunch negotiation yesterday with a third party which ended with spectacular confrontation, where i almost walked out...went back to the office pretty shaken (although later my chairman told me i was right to stand my ground on those issues). so things have been a little overwhelming...sigh.
so when i came home last night, i decided to escape by curling up on nai nai's bed in my pj's and spend time with her before bed. i was looking at a black and white photo she has of my dad and aunts/uncles when they were young. she started recounting again in her simple way of how she and my yeh yeh escaped from china to taiwan with nothing, how she had to carry my dad (less than a year old) over long distances in her bound feet, how he got sick and she had to sell her bedsheets and rings to pay for his medical care, how they often depended on the kindness of complete strangers to get by. i had heard this all before, but it was good to hear it again. i was looking at her and thinking of how "wei da" (honorable and capable) my grandparents were, without any formal education, to raise their five children from having nothing to all having advanced degrees, successful careers, and families now living in the US (except for my parents who are expats in China). and how at 87 years old, how much she has seen and experienced, how much she loves us grandkids (of which i am the eldest), and how winsome and childlike she looked when she tried on the red old navy shirt my aunt got her last night. it reminded me to take comfort in God's provision, and it took the edge off of a rough day...
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
everyone's paradise. i always sorta had an idea of why all my friends want to move to the bay area...i mean, i have family here, so i've come out here at least once a year. but it's only been this week, doing the morning commute to work, meeting up with friends, WORKING, that i have been struck hard by it all. with college classmates out here, great companies, great work environments, vibrant churches, awesome weather, all-around convenience of living, honestly, i see "my possible life" staring me in the face and it's totally taken me by surprise.
i mean, i left surburbia when i was 17 when i went off to penn, and i never looked back. living in NY, philly, and shanghai, has given me a heart for the city and i have poo-pooed that comfortable suburban life for the last 9 years (even though it was a great place to grow up in). there is something in me that knows that i would struggle if i had the white picket fence, matching place settings and a big SUV so i can drive the kids to soccer practice. living in china has changed me indelibly that way, and i've learned to love the challenge of living with less and with huge inconveniences, and the adventure of it all. but it would be a baldfaced lie if i told you that i don't want those things deep down and that since arriving i haven't totally loved shopping at crate & barrel, COSCO, eating good sushi for lunch AND dinner yesterday, and poring through my aunt's stack of martha stewart living magazines before bed like it's going out of style. i really miss those things...a lot. (as a side note, i often wonder if it would have been a lot easier if i'd gone to china right after college instead of going to NYC where i started earning an income and my tastes became decidedly more highbrow).
everyone on this trip keeps asking me how long i plan to stay in shanghai. and my answer has been and still is: i don't have plans to leave yet. and that's the truth. but to be honest, it is sometimes hard to reconcile in my mind the two sometimes polar opposite worlds. is this culture shock from being back? i dunno...probably not. most people who come back from living in developping countries really hate the lifestyle here....sigh, is there something wrong with me that i love it?
