What The Professor Really Means,
by J. Timothy Petersik

from the Chronicle of Higher Education

You'll be using one of the leading        I used it as a grad student.
textbooks in the field.

If you follow these few simple rules,     If you don't need any sleep, you'll
you'll do fine in the course.             do fine in the course.

The gist of what the author is saying     I don't understand the details
is what's most  important.                 either

Various authorities agree that...         My hunch is that...

The answer to your question is beyond     I don't know.
the scope of this class.

You'll have to see me during my office    I don't know.
hours for a thorough answer to your

In answer to your question, you must      I really don't know.
recognize that there are several
disparate points of view.

Today we are going to discuss a most      Today we are going to discuss my
important topic.                          dissertation.

Unfortunately, we haven't the time to     I disagree with what roughly half of
consider all of the people who made       the people in this field have said.
contributions to this field.

We can continue this discussion outside   1.  I'm tired of this - let's quit.
of class.                                 2.  You're winning the argument -
                                              let's quit

Today we'll let a member of the class     I stayed out too late last
lead the discussion. It will be a good    night and didn't have time to
educational experience.                   prepare a lecture.

Any questions?                            I'm ready to let you go.

The implications of this study are       I don't know what it means either,
clear.                                   but there'll be a question about it
                                         on the test.

The test will be 50-questions            The test will be 60-questions
multiple choice.                         multiple guess, plus three
                                         short-answer questions (1000
                                         words or more, and no one will
                                         score above 55 per cent.

The test scores were generally good.     Some of you managed a C+.

The test scores were a little below      Where was the party last night?
 my expectations.

Some of you could have done better.      Everyone flunked.

Before we begin the lecture for          Has anyone opened the book yet?
today, are there any questions about
previous material?

According to my sources...               According to the guy who taught
                                         this class last year...

It's been very rewarding to teach        I hope they find someone else to
this class.                              teach it next year.