Animaniacs is a children's television cartoon created by Steven Spielberg and some of the writers from Spielberg's other cartoon, Tiny Toons. Pinky and the Brain are two lab mice who attempt to take over the world. Spielberg is a well-known liberal, creating such left-wing films as Raiders of the Lost Arc, E.T., _Jurassic Park_, and *batteries not included. His latest masterpiece, Schindler's List which pulled 7 Oscars including Best Picture and Best Director, actually showed sympathy for the supposed plight of the Jews in the Holocaust that never happened. (WWII was an elaborate joke created by liberals in order to boost the economy). Clearly, both Tiny Toons and Animaniacs, which have both advocated restrictions on whaling, are part of Spielberg's Agenda to take control of the public with liberal ideas. Pinky and the Brain are doubtlessly representative of the liberal leaders, Clinton and her husband, and their desire to impose their views on the entire world, as evidenced by their massive hot air strikes against third-world countries like Mississippi.

Then again, maybe it's just a funny cartoon show.

Please do not sue me for my humor. I just hope Steve's a cool guy.


Some .gifs I can probably be sued for. Just remember that all this stuff is copyrighted by Steven Spielberg or somebody like that. Look up the copyright stuff yourself.

Pip's Speech

Someone else did this section:

You asked for it! Ok, you didn't really, but here it is anyway! evil laughter I left out everyone else's lines except when they genuinely interrupted Pip's story. The sections in brackets I couldn't quite make out, so I did the best I could with the sounds I did catch. Corrections are welcome. Enjoy...

Pleased to meet you, Yakko, name's Francis Pumphandle, but everyone calls me Pip.

Yakko: Great cheese balls, huh Pip?

I'll say. Cheese balls are one of my all-time favorite foods. I always seem to meet the most interesting people when I'm around them, too. In fact, cheese balls bring to mind the time I met Bob Barker.

Yakko: You don't say...

Yes, indeed -- Bob Barker, star of the most popular morning game show. He's an emcee, a host and a celebrity all rolled into one. Anyway, eight months ago, it was Tuesday the 17th, I believe, or it might have been the 18th -- no, no, it was definitely the 17th, because it was precisely one week after my Aunt Lucretia's birthday, which is the 10th. Aunt Lucretia's quite a woman -- loves to cook. She prepares a fabulous [war-shoo-off] -- that's a Chinese duck dish. I love Chinese food. I once went to a party where they served Chinese food and cheese balls. Now that was a Catch-22 situation. Catch-22 was a movie, you know. It was long -- VERY long. They say the book was better, but it was a novel, and I never finish reading those things. Of course, a lot of people don't read much nowadays; they watch television. I caught a program on PBS last night -- a very good show on chimpanzees in the media. They had a clip of [Jay Fred Mug and a chimp] on the Today Show, but it was Fred's chimpanzee's girlfriend that had me stumped. I couldn't remember her name, so I looked it up. Her name was Fibi B. Bibi.

Yakko: Dot Warner, this is Francis Pumphandle, but...

Pip and Yakko: everyone calls me Pip.

Anyway, as I was saying, eight months ago, Tuesday the 17th, I went downtown on a nice relaxing stroll. I love to relax. In fact, relaxing is a hobby of mine. Some people play golf, others like tennis, horseshoes, bridge, canasta, and other such fancy hobbies.

Dot: Wakko-meet-Pip-bye!

Darned to meetcha. Now another hobby enjoyed by many is knitting. My grandmother was a great knitter -- knitted this sweater I'm wearing. It's red, which is not my favorite color. I prefer mauve or a mustard yellow. Now, don't get me wrong, red is o.k. for ties and suspenders, but with sweaters I prefer more neutral colors. But when I'm relaxing, I don't care WHAT I wear -- long pants, bermuda shorts, t-shirts, or formal attire, you name it -- anything goes. Now, on the 17th, during my relaxing stroll, I recall wearing my herringbone jacket, my Laughlin, Nevada souvenir tie, and my charcoal grey slacks -- or was it the navy slacks? Oh, I suppose it doesn't really matter, does it? What matters is comfort. You know, I once stayed at a Comfort Inn -- warm, cozy, comfortable. I love comfort. It goes along with that pastime of mine -- relaxing. Now, for me, there's nothing more relaxing than a nice leisurely stroll like the one I took eight months ago on the 17th. It was a bright, sunny day, which of course is the optimum condition for relaxed strolling. And as I walked along, I found myself humming a haunting melody. I kept humming and humming and humming and humming. I couldn't get the tune out of my head. I racked my brain to come up with the title, but to no avail. You see, I'm not terribly musical -- and yet, I'd always wanted to play a musical instrument and be like my musical hero, Leo Sayer. But who can compete with Leo? I think I was just scared I'd fail. Well, I decided right then and there to go buy a musical instrument. So on the particular Tuesday the 17th to which I was referring, I went down to the Sixth Street Musical Emporium to buy a new tambourine, a terribly soothing instrument contrary to popular opinion. And as I was strolling along, I detected a wonderful scent in the morning air. "What could it be?" I asked myself. So I went toward that marvelous scent, distracted by its aroma from my musical mission. The odor was a mix of orchid flowers and bologna, which, of course, is one of the world's most underappreciated luncheon meats -- that and pimento loaf. I love a good pimento-loaf-and-mayo sandwich -- the more pimentos, the better. Why just the mention of pimentos makes my taste buds stand up and say "Howdy". Now there's an interesting word -- "howdy". Is it from "How are you?", or maybe "How ya doing?" "Howdy"'s one of those strange words that really HAS no origin. I like saying, "How do" more than "Howdy" -- more formal, I think -- not too flowery. But the flowery aroma of that particular Tuesday morning carried me on my fragrant quest. Now, the smell was actually less bologna and more orchid, the beautiful flower found on the island state of Hawaii. Of course, I wasn't in Hawaii, so I needed to search out the location of the nearest orchid. So, I visited every flower shop in town. Well, to make a long story short, not a SINGLE flower shop in town had ANY orchids in stock, which seemed mighty curious to me. Now, as we all know, curiosity killed the cat, but since I'm not feline, I wasn't too worried. Felines are funny creatures, don't you think? I had a cat once. It used its claws to tear my living room couch to shreds. It was a comfy couch, too -- had a sleepaway bed in it with a foam rubber mattress. Now, I bought the couch AND the mattress at Levine's department store on Third Avenue the very same afternoon of that relaxing stroll aforementioned. I also bought myself a lovely tambourine on that same shopping expedition. Anyway, I didn't want to pay extra for the delivery of the couch, so I decided to carry the couch home myself. It was quite cumbersome, and getting it through the store's revolving doors was a bit of a challenge. And just as I emerged onto the street, by accident I bumped into a well-dressed man with an orchid in his lapel. It was Bob Barker, and he was eating and bologna-and-cheese-ball sandwich. Well, it's been nice chatting with you. Bye!

Quotes from the Warner Brothers (and the Warner Sister)

	Yakko: We protest you calling us "little kids". 
	       We prefer to be called "vertically-impaired 
	       pre-adults". -- Broadcast Nuisance

	Yakko: We'd love to stay here and count our brain 
	       cells as they die one-by-one.
	  Dot: But we can't. 
	       -- Chairman of the Bored

 Miss Flamiel: We'll move on to science.  Dot, what can 
               you tell me about the great scientists of 
               the nineteenth century?
          Dot: They're all dead.
 Miss Flamiel: No no no!
          Dot: All right.  They're all living.
 Miss Flamiel: No no no!
        Yakko: Well, now we're getting into philosophy.
               -- Chalkboard Bungle

 Miss Flamiel: Yakko, can you conjugate?
        Yakko: Who, me?  I've never even *kissed* a girl!
 Miss Flamiel: No no no.  It's easy.  I'll conjugate with you.
        Yakko: Goodnight, everybody!
                -- Chalkboard Bungle

     Einstein: Cookies?  What would I do with cookies?
          Dot: You eat 'em, silly mustache man!  Whoa, 
               dumber than advertised!
               -- Cookies for Einstein

          Dot: Oh, oh, my heart aches with the sorrow of a
               thousand scouts!  No merit badge.  I mourn
               my loss.
        Yakko: Say, those acting classes are really paying 
               -- Cookies for Einstein

        Yakko: Don't worry, siblings.  We'll sell that nice 
               man a box of cookies, or die trying!  Or try 
               dying!  Or do some tie-dying!
               -- Cookies for Einstein

        Yakko: All right, all right.  We get the picture.  
               If you don't want any cookies, then just 
     Einstein: I'm not going to leave--this is *my* house.
        Yakko: All right, then *you* leave.
     Einstein: Fine!
               -- Cookies for Einstein

      Dracula: I am Count Dracula!
        Yakko: Didn't you use to teach math on Sesame 
               -- Draculee Draculaa

          Dot: Nice decorating!  Let me guess--Satan?
               -- Draculee Dracula

     Ned Flat: Why are you acting like this?
        Yakko: We're not acting.  We really are like this.
               -- Fair Game

 Mr. Director: Hoyl!  How'd you... with the going... 
               you were there... but here now... you are... 
               for me to see... how'd you do...
        Yakko: You understand any of that?
        Wakko: I think he said: "Hoyl!  How'd you... 
               with the going... you were there... 
               but here now... you are... for me to see... 
               how'd you do...
        Yakko: Thanks for clearing that up.
               -- Hearts of Twilight

        Yakko: Wait a minute.  You expect us poor, innocent 
               children to climb up dangerous scaffolding 
	       and paint naked people all over a church?
      Warners: We'll do it!
               -- Hooked on a Ceiling

        Satan: And now prepare to suffer indescribable torment!
        Yakko: Another Bob Hope special?
               -- Hot, Bothered, and Bedeviled

 Very Arch Bishop: King Yakko, your throne.
        Wakko: The throne?  How do you lift the lid?
          Dot: Since when do *you* lift the lid?
               -- King Yakko

        Yakko: Citizens of Anvilania, I stand before you, 
               because if I was behind you, you couldn't 
               see me.
               -- King Yakko

       Umlatt: This is the uniform of a great man!
        Yakko: Does he know you're wearing it?
               -- King Yakko

          Dot: I think this uniform needs something; 
               something that says "I'm here to destroy 
               you", but with a sense of fun.
               -- King Yakko

          Dot: Do you think this plan will work?
        Yakko: It better--we don't have any more 
               commercial breaks.
               -- King Yakko

          Dot: What does Christie Brinkley have that 
               I don't have?
  Yakko/Wakko: Billy Joel.
               -- No Pain, No Painting

         Yakko: So we should go?
      Picasso: Oui, oui.
        Yakko: Pardon?
      Picasso: Oui, oui.
        Yakko: The stuff they're getting away with on kid's 
               shows these days...
               -- No Pain, No Painting

     Rasputin: Slow down!
        Yakko: Why?  Everyone else is Russian around here!
               -- Nothing but the Tooth

  Nicholas II: I can't thank you enough!  All of Russia owes
               you a great debt.  Goodbye.
          Dot: Bye bye, Czar.
        Wakko: What a nice man!
        Yakko: I see nothing but good things in his future.
               Of course, I could be wrong...
               -- Nothing but the Tooth

        Wakko: Hey, mister, what's this?
       Blosky: A vomit bag.
        Wakko: Ah, poo.  I got gypped.  There's none in here!
               -- Plane Pals

       Blosky: Shhh!  Shhh!  Do you know what that means?
        Yakko: You got a slow leak?
               -- Plane Pals

          Dot: All we know is that we like you.  We have no 
               taste, but we like you.
               -- Plane Pals

    Beethoven: How can you eat lunch?  You haven't even
               started yet!
          Dot: We're in a Union.
               -- Roll Over Beethoven

        Yakko: Did you call for the bravest, most daring 
               knight in all the land?
  King Arthur: Oh, yes!
        Yakko: Well, too bad!  You got us.
                    -- Sir Yaksalot

        Yakko: Call it a hunch, sibs, but I think we've 
               been abducted by aliens.
          Dot: Aliens?!?  What'll we do?
        Wakko: Go find the cafeteria?
    Yakko/Dot: Yeah!
               -- Space Probed

          Dot: Um, it's not that we wouldn't like to take 
               your survey...
        Yakko: It's more like we'd rather have dental 
               -- Survey Ladies

          Dot: Do you think Scratchy'd like some cologne?
         Fifi: We have "Obsession", "Repression", and 
          Dot: Do you have anything for beginners?
               -- Survey Ladies

          Dot: How about this for Scratchy?  It plays 
        Wakko: Yeah, but does it play forward?
               -- Survey Ladies

Dr. Scratchansniff: Stop playing with my bust!
             Yakko:  Goodnight, everybody!
                    -- Taming of the Screwy

Dr. Scratchansniff: Now we will work on our diction.  How 
		    do we avoid bad elocution?
             Yakko: Stay inside during a thunderstorm.
                    -- Taming of the Screwy

        Yakko: I know when we're not wanted.  I know when 
               we should just go home...  Now is not one
               of those times.
               -- Taming of the Screwy

          Dot: Don't look down!  You might fall and hit 
               your head and die and your brains would leak 
               out allll over!
               -- The Big Candy Store

        Yakko: How about a tip?
     Flaxseed: Don't eat lead.
               -- The Big Candy Store

        Yakko: It's that time again!
          Dot: To make fun of the Disney channel?
               -- The Wheel of Morality

        Yakko: It's that time again!
        Wakko: To make the Fox censors cry?
               -- The Wheel of Morality

        Yakko: And the moral of today's story is:  If you 
               can't say anything nice, you're probably at 
               the Ice Capades.
               -- The Wheel of Morality

        Yakko: Hey, come on!  The Wheel of Morality adds
               boring education value to what would 
               otherwise be an almost entirely entertaining
               -- The Wheel of Morality

          Dot: Who came up with this stupid 'Wheel of 
               Morality' idea anyway?
        Yakko: The execs at the Fox Kids' Network.
          Dot: Ohhhh... They did?  What a great idea!
               -- The Wheel of Morality

Miles Standish: Begone, pests, and give me the bird.
         Yakko: We'd love to, really, but the Fox censors 
                won't allow it.
                -- Turkey Jerky

Quotes from Pinky and the Brain

    Brain: It proved that radio was a powerful tool.  
          And now, Pinky, the advance of technology has 
          brought us an even more powerful tool.  Do 
          you know what that is?
    Pinky: Ummm... the rubber band?
          -- Battle for the Planet

    Brain: It must be inordinately taxing to be such a boob.
          -- Bubba Bo Bob Brain

    Pinky: Hmmm... let me think...
    Brain: Don't hurt yourself, Pinky.
           -- Bubba Bo Bob Brain

    Brain: Promise me something, Pinky.  Never breed.
           -- Jockey for Position

    Pinky: Egad!  This is even better than a DuckTales 
           episode, Brain!
           -- Opportunity Knox

    Brain: I am in intense pain, Pinky.
    Pinky: Ditto, Brain.  Zort!
           -- Opportunity Knox

    Pinky: Whatcha doin' over there, Brain?
    Brain: Contemplating your afterlife, Pinky.
           -- Pavlov's Mice

    Brain: Pinky, I am in considerable pain.
    Pinky: Narf!  Zort!  Poit!  Gat!  I'm with you, Brain!
           -- Twas the Day Before Christmas

    Brain: Here we are, Pinky--at the dawn of time!
    Pinky:  Narf, Brain.  Wake me at the noon of time.
           -- When Mice Ruled the Earth

    Brain: Now, Pinky, if by any chance you are captured 
           during this mission, remember you are Gunther 
           Heindriksen from Appenzell.  You moved to
           Grindelwald to drive the cog train to Murren.  
           Can you repeat that?
    Pinky: Mmmm, no, Brain, don't think I can.
           -- Where Rodents Dare

    Pinky: Egad!  You astound me, Brain!
    Brain: That's a simple task, Pinky.
           -- Win Big

    Brain: I am not devoid of humour.
           -- Win Big

    Pinky: Narf!
    Pinky: Poit!
    Pinky: Zort!
    Pinky: Gat!

    Pinky: Gee, Brain, what do you want to do tonight?
    Brain: The same thing we do every night, Pinky. 
           Try to take over the world!

The Complete :"Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?" List

AN 102 - Win Big
B:  Pinky, AYPWIP?
P:  Uh, I think so, Brain, but where will we find a duck and 
a hose at this hour?

AN 109 - Where Rodents Dare
B:  Pinky, AYPWIP?
P:  I think so, but where will we find an open tattoo parlor 
at this time of night?

AN 115 - Battle for the Planet
B:  Pinky, AYPWIP?
P:  Wuh, I think so, Brain, but if we didn't have ears, we'd 
look like weasels.

AN 118 - Pavlov's Mice
B:  Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Pinky?  ***
P:  Uh... yeah, Brain, but where are we going to find rubber
pants our size?

AN 124 - Opportunity Knox
B:  Pinky, AYPWIP?
P:  Uh, I think so, Brain, but balancing a family and a 
career ... oooh, it's all too much for me.

AN 127 - Jockey for Position
B:  Pinky, AYPWIP?
P:  Wuh, I think so, Brain, but isn't Regis Philbin already 

AN 134 - Bubba Bo Bob Brain
B:  Pinky, AYPWIP?
P:  Uh, I think so, Brain, but burlap chafes me so.

AN 138 - Spell-Bound
B:  AYPWIP, Pinky?
P:  Sure, Brain, but how are we going to find chaps our size?

AN 140 - Puppet Rulers
B:  Pinky, AYPWIP?
P:  Uh, I think so, Brain, but we'll never get a monkey to use 
dental floss.

AN 144 - The World Can Wait
B:  Pinky, AYPWIP?
P:  Uh, I think so, Brain, but this time, you wear the tutu.

AN 147 - When Mice Ruled the Earth
B:  Pinky, AYPWIP?
P:  I think so, Brain, but culottes have a tendency to ride 
up so.

Quotes from Slappy the Squirrel

    Woman: Well!  I never!
   Slappy: Well, you should--it's fun!
           -- Bumbie's Mom

   Slappy: Look, have I ever lied to you before?
   Skippy: You said keno is legal in Burbank.
            -- Bumbie's Mom

   Slappy: Tactless, yet rude.
           -- Bumbie's Mom

   Slappy: The pleasure's been all yours, I'm sure.
           -- Hurray for Slappy

            Slappy: You remind me of a very young Betty Boop.
                    -- Hurray for Slappy

   Slappy: Oh, not the dynamite in the cake bit 
           again.  Who'd sink so low?
           -- Hurray for Slappy

   Slappy: What a yutz.
           -- Hurray for Slappy

   Slappy: If I were a better person, I'd ignore her 
           and go on with my life.  But I'm not.
           -- I Got Yer Can

   Slappy: In most cases, revenge is not a good thing.  
           In other cases, it's the only thing.
           -- I Got Yer Can

   Slappy: What about the plot, Hemmingway?  What's an 
           anvil got to do with this story? 
   Skippy: Who cares?  Anvils are funny!
           -- I Got Yer Can

   Slappy: I'm gonna make you some brain food. 
           That's right, I'm gonna make you my 
           famous walnut fig dough surprise.
   Skippy: What's the surprise?
   Slappy: I'm outta walnuts.
           -- Slappy Goes Walnuts

   Slappy: Ehhhh, but let's not be anal.
           -- Slappy Goes Walnuts

   Slappy: What a schmutz.
           -- Slappy Goes Walnuts

   Slappy: Skippy!  You shoulda been asleep hours ago!
   Skippy: I know, Aunt Slappy, but I can't sleep.  I
           keep hearing Santa's sleigh!
   Slappy: Ehhhh, that's just the LAPD choppers.

   Slappy: Now *that's* comedy!

Miscellaneous Animaniacs Quotes

Einstein: If the sun is P, and gravity is H, it makes a
               -- Cookies for Einstein

Abraham Lincoln: Ich bin ein Gettysburger!
               -- Four Score and Seven Migraines Ago

Abraham Lincoln: So, how 'bout those Yankees?
               -- Four Score and Seven Migraines Ago

Satan: Beyond these doors is an agony worse than all 
others.  You will remain in here for eternity 
listening to... whiny protest songs from the 
               -- Hot, Bothered, and Bedeviled
Stewardess: Welcome to Air Pacific--the Jolly Airline!  
Our deluxe 757 is equipped with a number of 
safety features to use in case of an emergency, 
such as our fuel tanks explode, and we crash
like a fiery ball into the sea.
You'll find life jackets under your seats.  In 
the event of a water landing, they will keep 
you afloat, unless you are seized by a giant 
squid, and dragged screaming beneath the waves.
Thank you for choosing Air Pacific.  You have 
well over a forty percent chance of landing 
safely.  Enjoy your flight!
               -- Plane Pals

He's a chicken, I tell you!  A giant chicken!

Like I said, all this stuff is copyrighted by somebody who has something to do with the show, which I don't, but hopefully no one will sue me anyway.