NYPD Blank

A script by Gardner Trask (traskg@PLUTO.hitchcock.org)

Script for [insert date here]


Sip (or Sim, who evers turn it is. Someone flip a coin) pulls up to street crime scene. The other is already there. Various NY cops mill around in background like so many traffic cones. Sim starts directing people around. Sip berates a beat cop for making a suggestion. Sim sends Martinez for coffee. "sure Detective". Sip views body, makes some bodily function/bodily feature comment (writers, see if we still have Howard Stern on retainer). fade out.

Theme music:

throw electronic drum set in cement mixer. pan our patented Magic Fingerts(tm) jump camera all over city. Freeze on truck with logo of potential sponsors.

scene one: interior squad room:

Sip and Sim rush some potential witness into interegation. Pass Fancy. Sim or Sip (coin toss) briefs the Lt. One of the three makes some vague cop-sounding slang comment. Sip snorts and adds some double inuendo. Fancy sends Martinez out for coffee. Martinez "Sure Lieu"

scene shift:

Interegation room one: Sip or Sim starts to interogate the witness. The other looks at the suspect from across the room. They play the good cop/asleep cop game for a while. This is the most obvious suspect, (obviously not the perp.) witness drops some obscure reference to the victims cousin/brother/spurned lover/landlord/debtor (C.T. {coin toss}). They rush from the room. One gets a message from Donna (vertical pan shot) of some personal "problem" and the other goes out to round up all the usual suspects.

some minor, one show character comes in. (Research, see if there is anyone from Hill Street who hasn't made a guest apperance.) They size up Donna (gratuitous vertical pan shot) and brief her on some minor crime. Donna calls over Martinez to escort this person over to Medevoy and tells Martinez when he is done to get her coffee. "sure Ms. Abendanzo"

Fade out to Zima commercial.

Sip or Sim is talking with person they have a tight personal relationship with. We know they are close because this person was introduced last show and has made it past to a second episode. Obvious history there. Sip or Sim promises to look into agreeved persons situation.

The other Sip or Sim bursts into the apartment of named person without warrant. (C.T. on if perp is naked or with naked S/O). Perp picks up gun and Sip/Sim screams obsenities until they put it down.

Scene shift:

Medavoy helps victim out of particular spot. For effect this should have a touch of embarrasment for Medivoy, putting him on the brink of stutter. Maybe a strip show stakeout, or gypsies, or some off-beat crime. (writers: see if we still have Kids in the Hall on retainer for this story line)

Scene shift:

Sip/Sim {whoever is on the "personal" errand} grabs person responsible for the "problem" and threatens them bodily harm. Degree can vary depending on weather we are trying to "scare some sense into them" or "scare some Shtuff out of them". May involve pressing badge into forehead or pistol barrel into cheek.

Scene Shift:

sip and sim meet going up the stairs. One of them holding the person they think committed the murder de jour. Sip meets girlfriend on stairway. The have some brief conversation about nothing {writers, see if we have that Hiaku (sp?) poet still on staff. This dialog should be no more than 17 words} They look longing at each other and their expressions speak volumes (can't do this enough, Tory Spelling loves this stuff).

fade out to Mentos commercial and car commercial with that girl from Northern Exposure.

Interegation room:

Sip/sim {c.t.} browbeats suspect. Tough guy suspect clams up. Denies everything. Asks cops if he should have a lawyer (why do they always ask the cops this? research. Check into this) Cops tell him yeah, but if he asks for one he won't get off scott free with cash in hand, and frequent flyer miles. Sim/Sip offers some lame possible scenerio to open suspect up. "You could tell us it was a robbery, or maybe the dog ate your alibi, or maybe he shot HIMSELF in the back with that bow and arrow. Give us something to give the D.A. to show what a rightous guy we know you to be." Suspect waives rights to Lawyer. clams up. asks about frequent flyer bonus. confesses.

Sim/Sip leaves the room, passes Fancy. Tells him they cracked the perp, and that sim/sip's (the other) hunch was right.

Bum in holding sends Martinez out for coffee "Sure, bum".

Closing scene:

flip two coins:


Andy contemplating some troubling aspect of episode that got to him. Leaves viewers wondering if this is the ONE that pushes him back on the wagon.


bareass shots of someone, anyone.


Sip and Sim patch over some minor tiff they had and work late together, in silence, as reconcilliation.

Also, pan over to Donna every so often. This can either be a "someone is leering at her" shot, or "she is overhearing a desk conversation and either approves or does not in silence" shot. Maybe we should have Donna secretly writing a "tell-all" book about the squad, that is why she is always peering over at someone.

[writers: sprinkle dialog liberally with words overheard on Beavis and Butthead]

------------ NYPD-Blank Form # 87-a ----------------------

Gard "I've copyrighted this, so just you try and use it for real" Trask

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